Well, I see the NRA has changed its mission from firearms safety to defending the Alamo. Um, I guess that the NRA believes that the thin line 'twixt civilization and Thunderdome is an armed-to-capacity citizenry ready to stand up to terrorists and — for some reason, as Mr. LaPierre stated — haters. (audience laughter) Because as we have been told many, many times, haters gonna hate. (audience laughter) I guess they're saying you must arm yourself against imminent physical threat.Video and full transcript below the fold.
EX-SEN. RICK SANTORUM, R-PA (4/25/2014): Whether it's through Obamacare, whether it's through redefining marriage, you name it, they are coming at it.And that's when shit got weird. (audience laughter) Because at some point, the perfectly acceptable support for sane gun ownership got mixed up in the whole national culture war mess. Why would you be talking about those kinds of issues at a gun convention, unless you think somehow guns are part of the solution to these cultural disagreements?
It's good to see the distinction here between free speech and consequence-free speech. My guess is this is not the death knell for this country's long and proud tradition of crazy talk.New correspondent Jordan Klepper then continued the theme by looking at new groups springing up all over the country, including one that Ken Cuccinelli joined, that will provide a defense to those who shoot people.
SARAH PALIN (4/26/2014): If I were in charge....(audience laughter and applause)
Well, all I can say there is thank God that is a hypothetical. (audience laughter)SARAH PALIN (4/26/2014): They would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists. (NRA convention audience cheering)(shocked audience response)
Huh? I don't know wha... that is Sarah Palin giving a speech where she is somehow conflating a sacrament of her faith with torture, in order to somehow bring the fear of God to religious extremists. (audience laughter) I don't even... where is that speech even appropriate? At an al-Qaeda recruitment "How to..." video workshop? At the yearly gathering of the Dumbbalos? Or maybe she's giving one of those famed Huh?! Talks.
They're like TED Talks, except they make no sense. Well, so, TED Talks.
So, what else did the former Vice Presidential candidate of one of two major national parties tell whoever it is she's talking to?SARAH PALIN (4/26/2014): Joe Biden — remember this — he, telling women before an assault, just fire a warning shot till the cops show up. Just aim up in the air, that was his directive, his advice. Well, fine, Joe Squirt Gun, if your rapist is a bird!(confused audience laughter)
She seems nice. So I see, the former Alaska governor with a clear and quite wry reference to the Greek myth Leda and the Swan. Zeus, in the form of a swan, forced himself on Leda, daughter of Thestius, king of Aetolia, leading to the birth of Helen of Troy, yadda yadda yadda, smash cut, Christopher Columbus discovers America, and thus the Founding Fathers create the greatest country God has ever given to the people of Earth.
Well played, Governor. You do read... all of them. Where exactly was a speech such as this appropriate?KATE BOLDUAN, CNN (4/28/2014): Sarah Palin stirred up controversy at the NRA convention.Ahhhh!!!!!!! The NRA convention, the National Rifle Association! I believe it's some sort of gentlemen's sporting group. Organized in the late 19th century to promote proper marksmanship. I look forward to remarks on good hunting etiquette and weapons hygiene from NRA executive vice president, the in-no-way under-medicated Wayne LaPierre.
WAYNE LaPIERRE (4/25/2014): We know in the world that surrounds us there are terrorists, home invaders, drug cartels, carjackers, knockout gamers, rapers, haters, campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country.
(Jon rocks back and forth in a catatonic state)
Well, I see the NRA has changed its mission from firearms safety to defending the Alamo. Um, I guess that the NRA believes that the thin line 'twixt civilization and Thunderdome is an armed-to-capacity citizenry ready to stand up to terrorists and — for some reason, as Mr. LaPierre stated — haters. (audience laughter) Because as we have been told many, many times, haters gonna hate. (audience laughter) I guess they're saying you must arm yourself against imminent physical threat.EX-SEN. RICK SANTORUM, R-PA (4/25/2014): Whether it's through Obamacare, whether it's through redefining marriage, you name it, they are coming at it.And that's when shit got weird. (audience laughter) Because at some point, the perfectly acceptable support for sane gun ownership got mixed up in the whole national culture war mess. Why would you be talking about those kinds of issues at a gun convention, unless you think somehow guns are part of the solution to these cultural disagreements?
GOV. BOBBY JINDAL, R-LA (4/25/2014): They think government should pick your soft drink, your snack food, your vices, your home security system, your health insurance, your electricity source, and your children's school as well.And that's why you need a gun!
WAYNE LaPIERRE (4/25/2014): Solyndra, Benghazi, Fast and Furious, Obamacare.And that is why you need a gun!
The NRA convention is like a fortune cookie game "in bed", except here the answer is always, "You need a gun!" (audience laughter) It's an hilarious and incredibly misguided game, like tennis darts.
EX-SEN. RICK SANTORUM, R-PA (4/25/2014): I think we need to step back and face the music. America has changed. America has changed. We are not the same country. The other side is winning.And that's why you need a gun!
But here's what they miss. What the other side is winning are elections, a peaceful contest between two competing viewpoints. And your solution seems to be less "we need more electable candidates and a more nuanced viewpoint", and more "LOCK AND LOAD, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!" (audience cheering and applause)
And the lack of self-awareness, that ain't helping.SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (4/25/2014): They like to paint us as paranoid bitter people.No, no! We asked you to paint us a self-portrait, and this is what you came up with.
Maybe we'd find your mission less paranoid if the vision of the world you present resembled in any way the world.KAREN FINNEY (4/26/2014): Gun sales last year were up nationwide ... and 30 new pro-gun laws have been passed just this year.And it's only April! And May is National Continue to Loosen Any and All Gun Restrictions Month.
Look what they just did a few days ago in Georgia.NEWS REPORT (4/24/2014): Governor Nathan Deal signed the Safe Carry Protection Act of 2014.Oh, well, that's actually not so bad. The Safe Carry Protection Act. It's got the word "safe" in it, it's got the word "protection", that actually sounds OK.
ABC NEWS (4/23/2014): Critics are calling it the "guns everywhere" law.(audience laughter)
That sounds worse. (audience laughter) Just out of curiosity, where will this safe protective carrying be taking place?ANNA WERNER, CBS (4/24/2014): When the law goes into effect on July 1st, firearms will be allowed inside unsecured public buildings like libraries and recreational centers, and parts of airports that lie outside security checkpoints.Why would you take a gun to the airport? What, are you trying to get the attention of the person you're picking up?
"Hey, it's over here Aunt Patty! Patty! Over here! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Oh, we gotta wait for luggage, all right. Pew!"
But anyway, that's hardly guns everywhere.ANNA WERNER, CBS (4/24/2014): They can be brought into bars and houses of worship. ... Teachers and school officials can also carry their guns into classrooms, so long as the district allows it.Classrooms! So it's not just gun rights, it's education reform!
(wild audience laughter)
"Hey. You wanna come up here and solve 6 times 9? Do you, punk? Do ya?"
Don't worry. Even Georgia's deeply conservative legislature put some common sense restrictions about where guns cannot go.ARI MELBER (4/23/2014): There is a government building where guns are still not allowed, and that's the state capitol.Boo-ya!! You heard that right. One of the only places Georgia's legislators didn't allow guns is in the building where they work. They're the voyeurs at the orgy. "Y'all go on and do what you do! We just like to watch." (audience laughter) We'll be right back.